I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
As shirtless as possible
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
