She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
