I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We had sex on a dog bed..
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
