I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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