he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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