i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
