Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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