Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
