all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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