therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
