Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
