You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
