My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
