Banned from zoo.
Again?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
