just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
