No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
