so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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