I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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