She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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