Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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