i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
