Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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