Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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