so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize