Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
it's like heaven, but drunker
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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