Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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