are you still at the devil's house?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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