i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
