sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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