I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
