No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
