Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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