Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
