my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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