If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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