Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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