My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
