Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
