I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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