The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize