Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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