Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
