so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
