You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
