my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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