Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
