Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
