Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize