Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
