you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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