im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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