i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
