So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
