Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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