He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sorry my hands just texted you
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
