my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
