If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
