No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
