Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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