Sponge bath it is.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
