After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
