Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
