your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
