question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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