let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize