who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
