I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
