Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
