i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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