Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
