Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
