im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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