I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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