My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
