I wish I could teleport
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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