so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
