Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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