my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
