I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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