Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
